"Blythe walked around the tree 149, 674 times just to enjoy a jaffa cake"
Apologies for the late posting, no I’ve not fallen off the wagon again, simply had an uber-busy weekend.
So what’s new pussycat? Not a lot really. I’ve been managing to eat a little more again this week – I feel physically dreadful if my calories drop below 1200 a day now. I have no energy, I feel light-headed, I become an evil moo … the list goes on. However, I am still managing to lose a steady 2lbs a week and I know this is simply down to the equation of food consumed versus energy expended. Some days it’s easier to eat than others and I have noticed two things that will make me PB more than anything:
1, Letting myself go for too long without eating resulting in me chomping my meals down too quickly and not listening to my body enough to recognise my own fullness.
2, Being distracted whilst I eat. This can be watching the telly or simply trying to eat whilst talking.
Since my mega restriction of the summer I have had to give up eating at the dining room table. I was taking far too long to eat, the other half would feel the need to chat throughout dinner and then I would become quite self-conscious and stressed, making eating even more difficult. I am so much better if I eat on my own and, if anything, I am aware I am becoming far less inclined to eat with friends and I certainly actively avoid eating out at all now, which is a real shame. I’m hoping that when I have lost some more weight and the band inevitably loosens off again (which it seems to be doing a little bit, on some days, but only if there’s an R in the month, a three quarter moon in the sky, Leo is in alignment with Mercury and I am wearing my lucky pumps), that I’ll be able to be a little more sociable. The problem is that some of my friends have started to suspect that I am losing weight by becoming bulimic – which isn’t an ideal situation and lead me to disclosing my bandy status when I would have preferred to have kept it private.
I have started to get the, “you don’t need to lose anymore weight” comments and, frankly I’m finding it really difficult to deal with. On one hand I find it offensive that people feel they have the right to make that sort of comment and, on the other hand, I question their motives and whether I am at an acceptable weight.
My BMI is currently 27.8 and I would like to get my BMI to around 23.5 which would make me 9 stone 10lbs. To even get my BMI out of the overweight category I would need to lose another 12lbs anyway. My goal had always been to get under a BMI of 25 and I think it is entirely achievable with the balance of exercise and food intake that I have at the moment.
My strategy that I have taken to using with people who don’t know me all that well is to smile sweetly and agree with them. I just say I am trying to maintain my weight now. That seems to shut them up. Only the inner circle – you guys included - know my true intentions *lets rip evil cackle*.
Am I being too obsessive about this though? I was accused of suffering exercise bulimia by a ‘concerned acquaintance’!! I had to stifle a giggle at this though and I did have a look on the webbernet about it. Here’s what I found and my response to it!
“Exercise bulimia is classified as a non-purging form of bulimia - that is to say, the sufferer does not regularly engage in self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics or enemas to rid themselves of the food ingested, but only uses exercise as a method of compensation. Exercise bulimia is especially common in those who find it difficult to purge (i.e. vomit/use laxatives), and in men with eating disorders. It is often seen as a 'healthy' method of compensation. However, the effects of excessive exercise (both psychologically and physically) should not be underestimated, and excessive exercise should not be seen as a safe alternative to vomiting/fasting in those tackling eating issues.
Compulsive exercisers will often schedule their lives around exercise just as those with eating disorders schedule their lives around eating (or not eating). Other indications of compulsive exercise are:
1 - Missing work, parties or other appointments in order to work out
2 - Working out with an injury or while sick
3 - Becoming unusually depressed if unable to exercise
4 - Working out for hours at a time each day
5 - Not taking any rest or recovery days
6 - Striving to achieve and master ever more difficult challenges. Forgets that physical activity can be fun.
7 - Defining self-worth in terms of performance
8 - Justifies excessive behavior by defining self as a "special" elite athlete”
(Taken from Wikipedia)
I’m not actually getting my knickers in a twist about this but I was interested that I hadn’t transferred my obsessions about food onto exercise. I don’t think I need to be worried. Here’s the reality of my exercising:
1 - I have never missed anything in favour of exercising (the thought seems utterly ridiculous to me)
2 - If I so much as sneeze I use it as an excuse to put my jimjams on early and take to the sofa like a mini-Buddha.
3 - Sometimes I feel depressed because I know I SHOULD be exercising but can't be arsed!
4 - Ok, that one can get a little close to home but, I now follow a specific training schedule that means I don’t allow myself to walk for longer than an hour a night in the week.
5 - Umm, take plenty of rest days – today for instance. I enjoyed resting in bed and not swimming this morning!
6 - I strive to fit some exercise into my week CONSISTENTLY and that is a difficult enough challenge to achieve.
7 - No-one actually cares about how much I exercise so I definitely don’t define my self-worth by it.
8 - HAHAHA, special athlete?? Me?? Now that’s just too funny.
I think we can safely conclude that I don’t have exercise bulimia. That’s not to say that I don’t legitimize what I do eat with how much exercise I have done. I ‘earned’ myself a Twirl and 2 packets of Skips yesterday and jolly happy about it I was too!
If anything I am only able to incorporate exercise that I actually enjoy doing and if I try and push myself too hard, well, this un-sporty person simply gives up. I am more interested in not being left with oodles of saggy skin and boobs like a pair of deflated, 4 day old, birthday balloons.
So there you have it. I am still hanging in there with my band and I still PB on a far more regular basis than I know is strictly advisable. But, (ok, this is going to make me sound very weird) but I can definitely distinguish between two very different types of PB. One that offends me and one that (and this is the weird part) that I don’t mind at all. The first type of PB is the nasty, slime making, run for the loo type of PB. Often accompanied by discomfort and retching, sometimes violent, sometimes not too bad. The second type is what I refer to as, “chewing the cud”. This seems to happen at most meals if I am honest, and is only a tiny bit of chewed up food that comes back up, no slime, and once re-chewed goes down again without a problem. This is never unpleasant, no-one notices that it is happening, there’s no tightness in my chest and frankly, I quite enjoy it – especially if I’ve been eating chocolate. What an admission! I am clearly a repulsive individual who will burn in the devil’s own flaming diner!
I think I need to stop typing now before I disclose ALL of my secrets!
Onwards and downwards.
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