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"Blythe was impressed by the penthouse apartment"

Week 12 - Post Hen Weekend

Weight: 12stone 7lbs
Weight Lost: 3stone 10lbs

I am still alive after my biggest challenge so far, my good friend’s hen weekend. I’ve only lost a pound this week but, frankly I am impressed that I have lost even that :) I was soooo anxious about it that I will admit that I had a 3 day blip, starting on Thursday night, reaching it’s climax on Friday day and then, had a jolly good munch at the hen weekend. Despite my restriction I still managed to ‘eat around the band’ with a tonne of crapola and plenty of fluids to wash it through … why, oh why, oh why?

I was so nervous about making a spectacle of myself by getting food stuck and people finding out about the band that I went into a full-on binge mode. I’m not going to dwell on it but, at least I understand why it happened and, perhaps, I will be able to cope a little better next time round.

The hen weekend was brilliant; we rented a penthouse apartment on the waterfront in Bristol. On Saturday we went to the Thermae Spa in Bath. I was so glad I was slimmer as I was able to relax so much more at the Spa than I would have done this time last year. We went out in the evening and I did get a little trouble with my restriction. We had a set menu which was a bit of a bugger but, I managed a little starter (red pepper humus and a sweetcorn fritter), got a bit of main course down me to avoid suspicion ( 1/6 home-made hamburger with about 4 chips) but, I was defeated by the pudding. It was a chocolate fondue with strawberries, banana, meringue and marshmallows. What was the demon food that nobbled me? A bloody marshmallow!!! I was only a slimer for about 5 minutes until the marshmallow eventually took its encore and I was okay. I’d also had a problem at lunch with lentil salad but, that was at the apartment, so more easily covered.

But I survived. I only had to explain myself to 1 friend and she was totally supportive, thank heavens. Now I just need to get back on track for the wedding in 2 weeks. I am on annual leave tomorrow so I’m going shopping for my outfit. Something that I am looking forward to which is a first :)


Onwards and downwards.

Be Careful What You Wish For ...

"Blythe eyed up the ice cream van with suspicion, would the solero get stuck?"

Yep… I definitely have restriction now.


Actually that’s an understatement. I have ‘nuff restriction. It has been approximately 12 days since the uberfill and I have been on sloppies (well with the odd crunchy item here and there) for 5 days and suddenly on Friday night the restriction kicked in. I thought that it was just a fluke with the oatcakes but, it has continued all weekend and, suddenly, all these foods that were going down easily a couple of days ago are becoming downright troublesome.

Here’s an example; on Friday night I had half of a veggie crisp-bake, some roast butternut squash, roast sweet potato (all dry roasted) and a tablespoon of baked beans to moisten it all up. I divide the meal into half and put half away for Saturday lunchtime. The half that’s left is a very modest half, as the amount I start with is way less than I would have eaten prior to the band. I mash it all up and it goes down without a problem.

Later that night I have the oatcake incident and become the one-woman slime show. So I think I’ll stick to fluids for 24 hours. As I’m in manic de-clutter mode, I hardly draw air all day and am happy to sup my smoothies and soup. In the evening I try the other half of the meal from Friday. I add extra beans and whiz it up in the blender. Nope, it takes me a good hour to be able to eat just half of it. I keep getting the golf-ball feeling in the chest but, no slime.

Today, for brunch (ooooh, get me, brunch :) I managed some scrambled egg and tinned tomatoes all cooked up together with a small slice of toasted granary bread. That seems to go down ok, I’m not able to manage it all and even that is slowly, slowly but, no pain or slime.

Later on I have a packet of Ryvita Minis. I have had a couple of packets this week and have had no problem with them whatsoever before. Today? I have a couple of mouthfuls and wham! Golf ball in chest and I start to slime. What is going on? It’s so bizarre that it has taken nearly a fortnight for it to kick in.

I thought to myself tonight, “woman, take no chances”. So I stick my dinner in the blender with plenty of liquid and duly produce my new invention, Dinner Soup™. Is it going down okay? Is it hell. Only managed a bit and I’ve had to stop as my chest was getting tight.

So that’ll be my restriction then. What a shocker. I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting but, it’s a completely different ballgame. I’ve hardly eaten today. No wonder we lose weight with the band ;)

Don’t get me wrong. Having restriction is the point of having the band and I’m really pleased that it is happening but, it’s a bit of a headf**k (pardon my French). I’m going to have a Solero in bit to soothe my pouch, okay, that’s a rubbish excuse isn’t it? I’m having a Solero because I want one. In my head it’ll be soothing.

On a different note, I have the most organised out-house and under-stair cupboard that I ever seen. 5 years of avoidance and piled up junk, gone. Brilliant. I’m now tackling the wardrobe and low and behold, there must have been some cosmic restriction karma going on but, not only did I try on a pair of my old jeans to find that they are way to big (YAY!) but, I also found a £20 note in the pocket (double YAY ;)

So I guess it’s my round then? That’ll be pints of hot squash for everybody, no expense spared.

Onwards and downwards.

A Real Achievement

"Blythe wondered if she was a little over-dressed for clearing out the garden shed"

Week 11 Post-op
Weight: 12 stone 8lbs
Weight loss: 3 stone 9lbs


Ok, today I am excited about getting on the scales. I have felt thinner this week. I know that sounds quite mad but, clothes seem to be fitting more comfortably and my chins seem to be less ‘chin-ey’. So I am absolutely gob-smacked about this huge weight loss this week. This weight has enormous emotional significance to me. It was the weight I was when I first met Jack. He has always thought I was beautiful, however fat I got and he’s always told me so but, I have felt ugly. I have felt like my body belonged to an alien and over the past 3 years, as my weight slowly crept up, I have felt that if he saw or touched any of my fat bits (especially the amazing ‘big girl belly’) that he would be so physically repulsed that the last I would see of him would be his slender buttocks as he ran down the M40. Of course he is not size-ist or superficial in any way but, I do feel he has had a poor deal, as the girl he met slowly expanded into twice the woman she should have been.

It’s funny because I don’t think he remembers me any other way other than big. He looks at me and says, “You look like your old photos now”. I am one of these very apple shaped people and I carry most of my excess weight around my tummy, boobs, arms and face. In sharp contrast to this I don’t have a bottom. Well I do, it’s just very wide at the hips and flat. A bit like a stingray really :) Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that my face seems to be changing an awful lot. One of the distressing things for me when I was bigger was that I didn’t look like ‘me’ anymore. Yes my body was different too but, it was my face that really told the story of my weight gain. Round, puffy, red and more chins than a Chinese telephone directory (sorry – old joke). As my weight goes down my normal ‘me’ face is coming back. I have cheek bones :) Okay, so they were always there but, it would have needed Tony Robinson and his Time Team’s most vigilant digging to have located them.

So why the great weight loss this past 10 days? I guess the restriction has kicked in from the fill. I have been on liquids for a week, thickened them up and am on soft foods now. I have to say that I haven’t really experienced any hunger at all, which has made a huge difference. At work, I have to really plan to ‘take 5’ and have some lunch, so much so that my boss has been nagging me that I am doing too much. Bless her; she’s like a lovely mother hen to our little team.

I have tried a couple of my normal ‘naughty’ foods that I tend to graze on when I’m bored. I am having real trouble with them now. I love oatcakes, always have, even though they are deemed ‘healthy’. However, each of the little packets contains around 6-7 oatcakes. Each box contains 4 little packets. Even post-op I could eat 2-3 little packets, which would clock up to a staggering 800+ calories. Now, I can only eat 2 individual oatcakes :o and even that is hit and miss. For example I had 2 last night and I turned into the slime monster. I wasn’t in pain but, I felt nauseous and spent an hour ‘sliming’, yuck, yuck, yuck.

So it’s back to liquids for 24 hours to let it all settle down again :( I guess that it’s going to take my head a little time to catch up with this new restriction. I am dreading the hen weekend now and for totally different reasons than I would normally dread it, i.e. I’m not dreading it because I’m so self-conscious about my weight. No, now I’m dreading it because I’m going to be spending 48 hours with close friends who don’t know I have the band. I’m worried about eating the wrong thing and being all slimy, I’m worried about the food options, and I’m worried about not boozing. I haven’t drunk any alcohol since Christmas, I’ve never really been a big drinker but, I do like the occasional blow out and it’s normally with these friends. I don’t want to actually drink though. I’ve really, really lost the taste for it and, on top of that, I’m somebody that gets the most horrendous hang-overs. In the past they’ll wake me up at 5am and I’ll be vomiting all day, every 10 minutes until, finally, exhausted I manage to not be sick for long enough to sleep it off. I’ve even pulled a muscle between my ribs from all the heaving. Not the most desirable situation with the band.


I think I’m going to play the diabetes card. They all know how poorly I was last year when I was diagnosed and I can say that I can’t drink because of all the medication that I am on. God, that’s quite funny because I’m now off ALL of my medications, every last one, as of the beginning of the month :)

Sorry I am just rambling on and on now. I'm not going to focus on what might be at the hen weekend. I am going to be a positive bird and just think about how I can plan myself to enjoy it the most. I have enough mental and physical energy at the moment to be able to do this. Another revelation with my weight loss :)

With all this new found energy I have, I am clearing the outhouse, shed and under the stairs this weekend - something that has been 5 years in waiting. The skip arrived yesterday morning and we totally cleared the one outhouse when I came back from work, makes a change form coming home, falling on to the settee and stuffing my pie-hole ;)

Onwards and downwards.

A Minor Incident - of the Chocolate Digestive Kind

"Blythe regretted using SuperGlue to attatch her false eyelashes"

Week 10
Weight: 12 stone 13lbs

Just a quick post as I’m a bit boring this week really. I am 12 stone something though so that makes up for just about anything ;)

I’m still on the liquids but I’m getting bored of them already. I have been making lovely smoothies again though. My favourite this week has been a banana, 2 peaches, a handful of strawberries and a strawberry yogurt. Stick it in a bowl and blitz until smooth … mmmmmmm. I think I’ll probably carry on making smoothies even when I’m on solids as it is such an easy way to eat a tonne of fruit. I have been finding that I’ve been getting quite tired during my walks so I’ve been drinking my smoothie about half an hour before I go and, boy, I’m like Billy bloody Whiz now.

I did have a chocolate digestive incident; actually it was an oat cake, mature cheddar cheese and onion chutney incident to be completely honest. Yep, it was over the weekend. Yep, it was late at night. And yep, I was watching the goggle box. Will I ever learn??? I really have to face up to the fact that I am a food addict and I have to work harder on controlling those nutty urges. Anyway, the band did its job. It stopped me from over-eating. Unfortunately the chocolate digestives were eaten first but, the oatcakes, now that was a whole different story. Normally I can eat them until they come out of my ears, especially before the fill. However, this time I only managed 2. I felt sick, properly nauseous and turned into the slime monster again but, I was over the moon. RESULT. This is exactly what I want the band to do :)

The other plus point is that I’m not actually hungry. I keep forgetting to eat when I’m busy at work, a totally new experience for me. Again, RESULT :)

I can’t wait for some Chilli tomorrow night … roll on the sloppies.

Onwards and downwards.

The First 'Fill'

"Blythe was perhaps a little melodramatic about her first fill"

Week 10
Weight: God knows, frankly am too scared to get on the scales!

So the first band adjustment was yesterday. Sorry I haven’t posted until now but I was working last night and have been walking and cooking soup (oh joy!). I thought I’d give a bit of a blow by blow account, just for prosperity :)

So I get to the x-ray department and am asked to strip to the waist and put a very attractive gown on. I see another lady coming out of the room and we exchange knowing looks. Yep, she’s just had her first fill too. She was very reassuring which was great as, by this point, I was feeling like a bag of eels.

In I go. There’s the consultant radiologist and a junior radiologist. They weighed me, warned me not to bang my head on the equipment and then onto the bed I jumped. I must say my dignity was preserved by the gown and a blanket. I had visions of having to do some major bosom juggling to keep everything clear but they had a good technique :)

The x-ray machine is over the bed and first of all they get you to lie on your right side and take a quick snap. It’s mad because the monitor is near your face so you have a better view than the radiologist. He pointed out the band and the port. Then you have a sip of the barium liquid (not too vile, a slight bouquet of strawberry to it, lol), hold it in your mouth until they tell you to swallow. Then swallow it whilst watching your whole oesophagus light up like Blackpool illuminations.

I can report that the pouch is not in any way stretched nor has it slipped. He asked me whether I’d been able to eat much and whether I’d been hungry. Oh yes I told him, I’ve been hungry for about a month. Apparently I had no restriction - no shit Sherlock!

He then used the x-ray to locate the centre of the port (isn’t that cheating? I saw Shaw Somers locate it by telepathy on the telly ;) He placed a little catheter thingy in the port. It didn’t hurt but, in true bizarre-me style, it totally gave me the heebie-jeebies. I can hardly bring myself to touch the port at the best of times – ridiculous aren’t I? Anyway, then he injected the saline into the catheter. Initially he gave me 6mls. Then I had to have another sip of barium and it was hilarious to watch on the monitor as it hit the band and shot straight back up. I couldn’t feel any of this but it was strangely exciting, almost like it was happening to someone else. So he took 1ml out and, that time, the barium trickled through.

I had to wait 20 minutes and drink a couple of glasses of water before they let me go. There were a couple of people waiting to go in for fills and the lady that had been in before me was still there. None of them had heard about the various forums which surprised me and all of them said that they didn’t feel they had anywhere near enough support. One lady said the band was fitted and then she’s been left to “get on with it” – I find that terrifying. Another lady had flown down from Aberdeen!

Anyway, I digress. They gave me my x-rays (didn’t tell me what I am supposed to do with them, mind), so I’ve done what any rational person would do and have scanned and defaced them for your viewing pleasure. I’m only posting the clearest one as I doubt you want to see an x-ray of my oesophagus.




All in all, not an unpleasant experience, certainly not in any way painful. I am on liquids for a week and I have some restriction. Mainly I’m noticing that I can only drink slowly and if I gulp it feels really odd.

Back to the bloody soup. Onwards and downwards.

Whoops ...

“There was a little girl, who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead,
When she was good, she was very, very good,
And when she was bad, she was horrid.”

Week (almost) 10
Weight: 13 stone 5lbs
Weight gained: 5lbs


5 packets of Ryvita minis
1 packet salt & vinegar crisps
1 tube of Jaffa cakes
1 Twirl
1 tub of humus
2 ‘lunch’ packs of oatcakes
2 slices chocolate brownie cheesecake


I have ‘last supper-itis’ …. again!

Well, if I am in any doubt as to why I needed the band, I have my answer. That little lot was on top of a healthy breakfast, lunch and tea, a mile’s swim and a 6 mile walk yesterday. I have been ‘emotionally over-eating’ again. I have my fill today and I feel like I am finally going to say goodbye to my binges – by force. I was 13 stone on Saturday. I have had a totally piggy Easter. I haven’t eaten like this since before the operation. I feel awful today and wasn’t going to blog about it as I was too ashamed. But, I have always said I would be honest in my blogging and so there you have it.


I know that today is the first fill and that first fills aren’t supposed to do much but, I am having it under x-ray and have been told that I will get quite a lot of restriction today – the equivalent of 2-3 blind fills. I have to revert back to a week on thin liquids – thickening them towards the end of the week. A week on sloppies and then I can try solids. Just in time for the hen weekend :o


I think that is why I have pushed the boundaries so much the past few days. Nothing has got stuck and I really haven’t felt full at all for weeks, so I’m hoping the pouch isn’t stretched. At least they’ll be able to see under the x-ray.


I’m extremely nervous and the ‘unhealthy’ side of my thinking almost wants such tight restriction that it’ll punish me for my lack of will-power. In almost a, “if you can’t control what you eat then I’m going to teach you a lesson in what food deprivation is really like”. Clearly, once more I am demonstrating what a bloody lunatic I am when it comes to my love-hate relationship with food.


I’ll post about what happens tomorrow as I am working until 10pm tonight running an evening group. At least it’ll keep my mind off food.


Onwards and downwards.

Splish Splash ...

"Blythe hoped her bikini bottoms wouldn't fall down when she jumped into the pool"

I did it. I promised myself that I would and I have. I have started swimming :) I know that it doesn’t sound like a big deal but I am a bugger for setting myself goals and then not meeting them. I had wanted to give myself 8 weeks to properly heal from the surgery and wanted the ‘all-clear’ from the surgeon before I embarked on this, phase 3 of ‘Operation Melondrama’. I used to swim a lot when I was in my early 20’s and, ever one not to do things by halves, I used to have sporadic bursts of exercise regimes. I would swim 2 miles a day, 5 days a week for about 10 weeks, lose a couple of stone and then start oinking, stop the swimming and put it all back on again. It is just another representation of my total ‘all or nothing’ behaviour. In my world there is only black and white. I have to really work at mentally accepting shades of grey. I’m slowly getting there but it’s a struggle - another challenge that I am working on at the moment :)


The only time I consistently swam was when I lived in the most grotty student hostel in Whitechapel, East London. The hostel was next door to the hospital’s staff swimming pool. My main motivation for going wasn’t the actual swimming, it was the showers, lol. The hostel was sooooo horrible and our showers were uni-sex. Unfortunately that meant either being spied on by the leery blokes or having to queue for an hour for the top-floor, women-only showers. At a pound a go, I refused to shower without getting my money’s worth by not swimming too. I can laugh about it now but it’s funny what we put up with when we are poor students.


Anyway, on Sunday Jack and I drove into the city and I joined the gym that is a 2 minute drive from where I work. I was determined to start swimming on Monday and I am so glad that I have taken the plunge (no pun intended :) The gym is lovely and the pool is a 20 metre one and is really clean and posh. I feel like I am at health farm when I’m there. I now get up every weekday at 5.50am, drive into the city and I am in the pool by 6.30am. Swim until 7.45am and am in work for 8.15am. It’s brilliant. Free parking and I beat the rush hour traffic. I still get to leave work early and am back home by 5pm. I am then doing a 6 mile power-walk when I get back – phew! I feel brilliant though and the upside to the regime is that I am totally knackered by 9pm and am asleep by 10pm, therefore cutting my danger time considerably in terms of eating in front of the telly.


I’m aware that this probably seems quite extreme but I hadn’t considered the benefit of naturally limiting the amount of the evening spent slobbing out in front of the goggle-box. Okay, today is only my third day but, already I am noticing that it’s been easier to not binge. I think that this may be a solution to it. I am fine when I am at work but the real danger time seems to be between 9 and 11pm. Frankly I have been far too knackered to think about scoffing. The only drawback is that it means that I am quite tired if I want to go out with friends but, generally, I am trying to see them mostly at the weekend.


In a way, I am glad that this week and next are only 4-day working weeks. It means that I am having to limit the amount I go. I know that I won’t be arsed to go at the weekend so I am safe then. I won’t be touching the gym yet though, that is far too scary a prospect. I think that I’ll wait until I am bit more fit and a lot less bulky. I’m sure people would be nice and all, but I just don’t have the self-confidence at the moment to risk it. I would be far too paranoid that they would be looking at my vast expanse of belly. At least with swimming I can wrap the towel round me and then I am in the water. It’s a fairly risk-free process :)

One week to go until the first fill :o I am still quite apprehensive. I am scared that it will be painful. I am actually more scared of having too much restriction than not enough. I watched Fat Doctor and the lady having the fill threw up immediately afterwards which didn’t exactly inspire me. Watch this space I guess…


Onwards and downwards.