A Real Achievement

"Blythe wondered if she was a little over-dressed for clearing out the garden shed"

Week 11 Post-op
Weight: 12 stone 8lbs
Weight loss: 3 stone 9lbs


Ok, today I am excited about getting on the scales. I have felt thinner this week. I know that sounds quite mad but, clothes seem to be fitting more comfortably and my chins seem to be less ‘chin-ey’. So I am absolutely gob-smacked about this huge weight loss this week. This weight has enormous emotional significance to me. It was the weight I was when I first met Jack. He has always thought I was beautiful, however fat I got and he’s always told me so but, I have felt ugly. I have felt like my body belonged to an alien and over the past 3 years, as my weight slowly crept up, I have felt that if he saw or touched any of my fat bits (especially the amazing ‘big girl belly’) that he would be so physically repulsed that the last I would see of him would be his slender buttocks as he ran down the M40. Of course he is not size-ist or superficial in any way but, I do feel he has had a poor deal, as the girl he met slowly expanded into twice the woman she should have been.

It’s funny because I don’t think he remembers me any other way other than big. He looks at me and says, “You look like your old photos now”. I am one of these very apple shaped people and I carry most of my excess weight around my tummy, boobs, arms and face. In sharp contrast to this I don’t have a bottom. Well I do, it’s just very wide at the hips and flat. A bit like a stingray really :) Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that my face seems to be changing an awful lot. One of the distressing things for me when I was bigger was that I didn’t look like ‘me’ anymore. Yes my body was different too but, it was my face that really told the story of my weight gain. Round, puffy, red and more chins than a Chinese telephone directory (sorry – old joke). As my weight goes down my normal ‘me’ face is coming back. I have cheek bones :) Okay, so they were always there but, it would have needed Tony Robinson and his Time Team’s most vigilant digging to have located them.

So why the great weight loss this past 10 days? I guess the restriction has kicked in from the fill. I have been on liquids for a week, thickened them up and am on soft foods now. I have to say that I haven’t really experienced any hunger at all, which has made a huge difference. At work, I have to really plan to ‘take 5’ and have some lunch, so much so that my boss has been nagging me that I am doing too much. Bless her; she’s like a lovely mother hen to our little team.

I have tried a couple of my normal ‘naughty’ foods that I tend to graze on when I’m bored. I am having real trouble with them now. I love oatcakes, always have, even though they are deemed ‘healthy’. However, each of the little packets contains around 6-7 oatcakes. Each box contains 4 little packets. Even post-op I could eat 2-3 little packets, which would clock up to a staggering 800+ calories. Now, I can only eat 2 individual oatcakes :o and even that is hit and miss. For example I had 2 last night and I turned into the slime monster. I wasn’t in pain but, I felt nauseous and spent an hour ‘sliming’, yuck, yuck, yuck.

So it’s back to liquids for 24 hours to let it all settle down again :( I guess that it’s going to take my head a little time to catch up with this new restriction. I am dreading the hen weekend now and for totally different reasons than I would normally dread it, i.e. I’m not dreading it because I’m so self-conscious about my weight. No, now I’m dreading it because I’m going to be spending 48 hours with close friends who don’t know I have the band. I’m worried about eating the wrong thing and being all slimy, I’m worried about the food options, and I’m worried about not boozing. I haven’t drunk any alcohol since Christmas, I’ve never really been a big drinker but, I do like the occasional blow out and it’s normally with these friends. I don’t want to actually drink though. I’ve really, really lost the taste for it and, on top of that, I’m somebody that gets the most horrendous hang-overs. In the past they’ll wake me up at 5am and I’ll be vomiting all day, every 10 minutes until, finally, exhausted I manage to not be sick for long enough to sleep it off. I’ve even pulled a muscle between my ribs from all the heaving. Not the most desirable situation with the band.


I think I’m going to play the diabetes card. They all know how poorly I was last year when I was diagnosed and I can say that I can’t drink because of all the medication that I am on. God, that’s quite funny because I’m now off ALL of my medications, every last one, as of the beginning of the month :)

Sorry I am just rambling on and on now. I'm not going to focus on what might be at the hen weekend. I am going to be a positive bird and just think about how I can plan myself to enjoy it the most. I have enough mental and physical energy at the moment to be able to do this. Another revelation with my weight loss :)

With all this new found energy I have, I am clearing the outhouse, shed and under the stairs this weekend - something that has been 5 years in waiting. The skip arrived yesterday morning and we totally cleared the one outhouse when I came back from work, makes a change form coming home, falling on to the settee and stuffing my pie-hole ;)

Onwards and downwards.