“There was a little girl, who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead,
When she was good, she was very, very good,
And when she was bad, she was horrid.”
Week (almost) 10
Weight: 13 stone 5lbs
Weight gained: 5lbs
5 packets of Ryvita minis
1 packet salt & vinegar crisps
1 tube of Jaffa cakes
1 Twirl
1 tub of humus
2 ‘lunch’ packs of oatcakes
2 slices chocolate brownie cheesecake
I have ‘last supper-itis’ …. again!
Well, if I am in any doubt as to why I needed the band, I have my answer. That little lot was on top of a healthy breakfast, lunch and tea, a mile’s swim and a 6 mile walk yesterday. I have been ‘emotionally over-eating’ again. I have my fill today and I feel like I am finally going to say goodbye to my binges – by force. I was 13 stone on Saturday. I have had a totally piggy Easter. I haven’t eaten like this since before the operation. I feel awful today and wasn’t going to blog about it as I was too ashamed. But, I have always said I would be honest in my blogging and so there you have it.
I know that today is the first fill and that first fills aren’t supposed to do much but, I am having it under x-ray and have been told that I will get quite a lot of restriction today – the equivalent of 2-3 blind fills. I have to revert back to a week on thin liquids – thickening them towards the end of the week. A week on sloppies and then I can try solids. Just in time for the hen weekend :o
I think that is why I have pushed the boundaries so much the past few days. Nothing has got stuck and I really haven’t felt full at all for weeks, so I’m hoping the pouch isn’t stretched. At least they’ll be able to see under the x-ray.
I’m extremely nervous and the ‘unhealthy’ side of my thinking almost wants such tight restriction that it’ll punish me for my lack of will-power. In almost a, “if you can’t control what you eat then I’m going to teach you a lesson in what food deprivation is really like”. Clearly, once more I am demonstrating what a bloody lunatic I am when it comes to my love-hate relationship with food.
I’ll post about what happens tomorrow as I am working until 10pm tonight running an evening group. At least it’ll keep my mind off food.
Onwards and downwards.
4 comments:
Good luck chick!
Will be thinking of you!
Don't be too hard on yourself, you've had the courage to have the band and start to tackle your demons... that's something you should be really proud of!! I have my own demons of a different type that I'm avoiding desperately at the moment, but I take courage and hope from your honest blog and your journey, and know mine will grow bigger and destroy me if I deny them, so am going to tackle them head on, or sideways at least as a starting point!
Onwards and downwards, and don't lose sight of how far you HAVE come!
Nx
Good luck for tomorrow - I'll be thinking about you.
Tractorgirl
x
Hi
Hope it went well. I am now nagging THG for fill number 2 as I am on a pretty successful eating campaign!!
Ali
Hope it went ok.
I feel the same about my restriction or lack of it (4mml in 14ml) and I am unhappily eating everything.
Only lost 7 pounds since pre op diet - lost 5 more on fluids then back on they went!
No vomited in the car again! I work for Tower Hamlets Council so hard to avoid the smog of Eastend life!
Lots of love
Ali
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