Who To Tell?

"Blythe couldn't be arsed to put on her contact lenses on this, officially, the most depressing day of the year"

10 days pre-operatively


This is a subject that has been mithering me for weeks. Who should I tell about being banded? Or, more importantly, who shouldn't I tell?


Just over three years ago I considered weight loss surgery, going so far as to request the information from The Hospital Group. I was at my heaviest weight and feeling pretty unsatisfied with life. I told my mum, my brother and a couple of friends - more to sound them out about the idea than for any other reason. To say it didn't go down well is an understatement and I was quickly talked out of it. Clearly I wasn't ready to take the plunge as it didn't take much talking for me to bin the idea.



My mum seems to be worrying the most. This shouldn't come as a surprise, if it were her having surgery then I would be worse. I decided to show her the programme, "Fat Boy To Slim" that was on BBC3 a couple of weeks ago. Big mistake. Instead of being reassured she focused on the girl that died following a blockage. So then I felt like a complete shit for making her watch it. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6231875.stm



My other half, (Jack Spratt) obviously knows and, although he says he's ok with it, I do worry that he's putting on a brave face for my benefit. I've asked him not to tell his family or friends, not that I think he would actually. I feel that he may be too ashamed though and I don't want him to feel any embarrassment on account of me. Weight loss surgery still feels taboo. Perhaps I am being a bit paranoid.


I've told my colleagues at work, mainly because it's a small team and I'm not sure how I could, realistically, conceal it. They have been positive about it which is helping. One colleague's close friend was banded last year and she told me today that her friend says that it is the best thing she has ever done. I've felt a bit wobbly (quite literally) about it all today, so hearing that couldn't have come at a better time.


But I've not told anyone else in my family. I'm not sure why ... I just don't want to be judged I guess. I still feel a huge amount of guilt for not being able to manage my weight myself. Weight is a huge (haha) issue in my family. I have an aunt who has been disabled by her morbid obesity for the whole of my life. As a child, if I was over-eating, I would be warned not to eat so much or I'll end up looking like Auntie 'Barb'. On the other end of the scale, my sister-in-law has been anorexic for 25 years, as has her mother. She, my sister-in-law, delighted at pointing out that even at 9 months pregnant, as she was at the time, she hadn't 'ballooned' to 9 stone and remained lighter than me. At that time I had been on a major fitness drive to look good at a very posh summer ball, swimming 10 miles per week and feeling pretty darn slinky. On my 18th birthday I was given a video called, "Lose Fat, Get Fit" from her. I was around 9 stone. I opened it in front of a group of friends and the feelings of embarrassment remain etched in my mind. My brother has had bulimia on and off for 25 years, exercises like a maniac and has even had liposuction on his (non-existent) love handles. Actually, it's no bloody wonder I don't want to tell them! They're a bunch of raving body fascists.


My own weight gain can be seen, I suppose, as a form of rebellion. It is a big 'up-yours' to everyone who has tried to control my eating habits. God, I'm escalating into mindless psycho-babble. I do apologise.


I've told 2 of my closest friends but I haven't told any of the others. I think this is because I'm terrified that any of the 'mean girls' from school may get to hear and discuss me in a mocking fashion between themselves. GET A GRIP WOMAN. You haven't seen any of them for nearly 10 years, they're all in their 30's with lives of their own and won't have given you a passing thought in years. I'm beginning to sound like a damn, crazy person.


Actually, I know where this is coming from. I was in the ever popular chip shop (why there of all places?) a couple of weeks ago and a girl from my class at school walked in. At school she was 'podgy' but now she is tall, slim, wearing skinny jeans and ordering salad in pitta bread. I, on the other hand, looked like the 'before' footage from Extreme Makeover. I know she kind of half clocked me but I'm pretty sure she didn't realise where she knew me from. Me, for my part, spent the longest 5 minutes pretending to have some vital texting to do, whilst keeping my face turned away, waiting for them to shout out that my order of 2 large kebab and large chips was ready. What's worse is she was really nice at school and I'd love to have known how life was treating her but, instead it felt like one of those nightmares when you dream you are naked in public. I drove home and didn't utter a peep about it to Jack Spratt.


Perhaps I'll feel different about telling people once I'm confident that I'm able to use the band effectively and have a visible result.


Anyway, on a more positive note, I am still managing to stick to my pre-op diet. Whey-hey.