My Uncomfortable Truth

"Blythe didn't think much of the Consultant's new Feng Shui waiting room"

Week 8 Post-Op
Weight: 13 stone 3lbs
Weight Lost: 3 Stones


Finally. Finally it has happened. I have broken the 3 stone mark. I accept that I have only lost a pound this week but, a pound off is better than I was expecting given the silly-bugger behaviour I have indulged in. My next goal is to be 12 stone something. That’s only 4lbs away, so not too extreme a target.

I saw the Consultant yesterday. He was pleased with the progress and I spoke to him about the ‘sausage incident’ as Jack now refers to it. Jack hasn’t forgiven me for scaring him yet. Last night I had my best mate over for tea. She knows all about the band and is extremely supportive. Over dinner Jack asked her, “Has she told you how she tried to kill herself with a sausage last night?” :o

Yes, I had. Later on he sticks his head round the lounge door and says, “Not dead then? Just checking”. This was all done VERY tongue in cheek by Jack, but, the fact he’s even mentioning it indicates to me just how upset he is.

I digress. The Consultant. Well, he said he was pleased that I seemed to understand why it had happened and that it was important to pay close attention to the actual food you are eating at any time and not to get distracted, eat too much or not chew well enough. He has booked me in for the first x-ray fill on 11th April. I could have had it sooner but that was the first date the radiologist had available. I questioned him about the amount of restriction and he stated that I would get the equivalent of 2-3 blind fills, that the radiologist would look to restrict to the level that fluid slips more slowly through the band. He then went on to say that the aim would be to get restriction where 2-3 mouthfuls of food would keep me nicely full and that 4-5 would be painful. He anticipated that this restriction would last 2-3 months and then I would be looking at having the second and final fill.

So what is my uncomfortable truth then? I know this is going to fly in the face of why I had the operation and will probably sound ungrateful but, although I desperately want to be a healthy weight and all the benefits that go along with that, there is this part of me that absolutely loves eating. I am ashamed to admit it but, having been working on ‘feeling my feelings’ more and not burying them with food, the feeling I had when the consultant said I would only be able to eat 2-3 mouthfuls was a definite mixture of panic and sadness. How mental am I? But I think it’s vital that I address this and not try to hide how I am feeling. I almost resent it. 2-3 mouthfuls? That’s bugger all. Yes, I know I will feel full after these and not actually want anymore and yes, that is wonderful. However, I feel sad to be losing my old friend. Eating is a truly pleasurable experience and fills me with anticipation, excitement and an almost ‘drug’ like high. I feel I have to admit that. I don’t regret for one minute having had the band but, yesterday, I definitely felt ambivalent towards it. I know that the only way forward is to acknowledge how I truly feel about food and acknowledge the nature of my relationship with it… but I am a little sad to be saying goodbye to those mountainous binges.

Looking back on how my chaotic my eating had become I realise that sometimes planning what I was going to eat in my nightly binge was what got me through the day. It almost felt like getting ready for when I used to go and spend the weekend with Jack. I still have those feelings about coming home from work and knowing that Jack will be here waiting for me, but, somehow the food ‘affair’ became established again. It replaced the heady ‘first-date’ anticipation as our relationship blossomed. I think I must crave a ‘high’ or a boost as part of being who I am. I wonder if people with alcohol dependency get the same feelings of anticipation before their first drink of the day? Or is it the feeling of relief that I get when I eat something?

Let me paint you a picture … this is the reality of how ridiculous my behaviour with food had become. I preferred to stay in, as opposed to seeing friends because it gave me more time to eat. When I was out with friends and family I would purposely eat a great deal less than I wanted to because I didn’t want them to see how greedy I was. If I was at a buffet I would fill my plate with virtuous salads and not have the items that I really wanted to eat, certainly not in the quantities that I wanted to eat. When I was at home with Jack, we would spend some of the evening together but, because I like crappola TV and he can’t stand it, I would get the lounge to myself for at least an hour. I would have gone to M&S at lunchtime (the money that I really don’t have that I used to spend on food) and bought 2 packet of each of my favourite things. 1 pack would be ‘on display’ in the kitchen and the other hidden. Now this wasn’t about Jack not having his fair share of munchies but, it was about that I didn’t want him to know just how much volume of food I was consuming. With the items on display it would look like I had only had 1 muffin or 1 Belgium bun when, in fact, I had had a pack of 4 and the 1 out of the display pack. Looking back and admitting this fills me with shame. I don’t think Jack is aware of the full extent of my devious eating. I would then have to hide the evidence. This is something which I have been doing since I was a little girl, except now I am so much better at it. I’d hide wrappers in my work bag so that I could put them in the bins there and not get caught out at home.

Realistically, the band is the only thing that is going to help me in the long term. I think I will always have a complex relationship with food but I can’t begin to address it whilst I am stuffing my feelings down with food. I know in my heart of hearts that the band is giving me a brilliant tool to help me cope with the physical side of over-eating. This is all painful stuff to be admitting but, I can’t escape the clutches of my over-eating if I don’t admit to what I do.

The urges to over-eat are with me daily, some days I cope better with them than others, the next thing I need to do is work out why.

Onwards and downwards.

A Lesson Learnt

"Nobody knew it, but Blythe felt as green as her knitted frog"

Week 8 and 1 Day Post-Op

Just a quick post to describe what happened to me last night, don’t worry, it’s totally band related. At the moment I am on small amounts of solid food. I was instructed by the dietician last week to “start experimenting with textures to see which foods stay longer in the tummy pouch and therefore keep you full for longer”. Ever one for a challenge, I have been diligently experimenting since those words were uttered.

So far I have had no problems whatsoever. I am eating a hard boiled egg on a slice of dry toast for either breakfast or lunch, chicken and salads, pork chops and baked vegetables, jacket potatoes with their skins on, and sausages with vegetables ‘chips’. I just have about half the amount that I put out for Jack and then divide that into 2 potions; first and second dinner, as they have become known. I serve them on a 7 inch side plate and use my cute, learner-size, cutlery so as to stop myself stuffing it all down my neck too quickly. First dinner is always eaten at the dining table and second dinner is less strict and is eaten (if at all) anywhere I fancy.

Last night we had Aberdeen Angus Sausages (bought simply because I like the name Angus), dry-roasted butternut squash, carrots, parsnip and green beans. I like my veggies roasted so I always stick them in the oven on a non-stick tray with a few squirts of Fry-Light. Somehow they taste much nicer. Anyway, first dinner was eaten, without any problem at the dining table.

Later on, I was watching that ‘Wedding Belles’ on Channel 4. I think that was a big part of the problem. I sat there with an attack of the munchies thinking, mmmm second dinner, in true Homer Simpson style. I was totally engrossed in the programme and probably far too excited to be eating at the same time. So I am scoffing second dinner and then suddenly, wham! I felt something get stuck. I think it was some sausage. Oh. My. God. Now I know what it’s like to have the infamous ‘productive burp’ or PB as it is known in the banding community. It was awful. First of all I had terrible chest pain, I start pacing up and down the lounge, I can’t breathe properly and I don’t know whether to bend over, lie down or have a drink. I can’t burp and coughing is doing nothing. By now I am in a bit of a panic. I don’t want to fetch Jack because he will go into a flap and I know that getting anxious will tighten things up even more. I tell myself to relax and I go into the kitchen to get a glass of warm water to see if that helps. Nope, that seems to have made things worse. Then suddenly it happens. It shoots out of my mouth. Luckily I am by the sink (sorry I know this is graphic but it was a scary old experience) and I keep burping up, what I can only describe as, slime. I think it’s all the saliva that had nowhere to go. The pain went, I could breathe properly and I seemed to return to normal. The whole episode lasted about 10 minutes but, by jiminy, it’s not an experience I want to repeat in a hurry.

What I find difficult to get my head round is why it happened. I had eaten exactly the same thing only 4 hours before without incident. I think that I was far too engrossed in the telly and must have eaten it too quickly. I had chopped up the sausage into tiny chunks anyway but, it just goes to show how vigilant I need to be. I’m also wondering whether feeling a bit poorly had anything to do with it. Anyway, Jack came downstairs and asked me what I had been doing. I told him what had happened and he was extremely upset about it and kept saying “it was only a small piece of chicken you know, that killed that girl with the band”, (he’d watched Fatboy to Slim on BBC3 in preparation for my imminent banding). I had to explain that things would get stuck and that it was best avoided but, yes, it would unfortunately happen from time to time.

So the lesson learnt is not to eat in front of the telly. Hadn’t I already learnt that lesson? Anyway, I feel a bit tender today around the old port area for some reason. I am going to stick to fluids for 24 hours just in case my pouch is a bit swollen. Not sure whether it will effect me having my date for the first fill. We’ll see.

Onwards and downwards.

The Attack of the Binge Monster

"Well the jeans zipped up now but Blythe had the lesser-known 'muffin-top' hair phenomenon"

Week 8 Post-Op

Howdy guys. What’s the skinny then? Not a lot this week. I had a terrible weekend with some particularly chaotic eating. I have to admit I had a couple of binges. No idea why and, not only did I feel terrible, but Jack was as mad as hell when he found out. I’m deliberately only buying ‘treats’ for Jack that I won’t be tempted by. For example, Battenberg because I loathe marzipan, anything that has a coffee / cappuccino flavour because I can’t bear coffee, and anything that has a cherry or apricot flavour.



They had an offer on in M&S for Swiss Roll type cakes, 2 for £2, so I bought the cappuccino one and the apricot one for Jack. Yup, you’ve guessed it, I ate the WHOLE apricot one in about an hour. I don’t even bloody like it and I ate it in a particularly sneaky way. My plan was to buy another before Jack realised I had scoffed that one. But, alas, I was discovered. Why didn’t he want a slice of the cappuccino one? Typical. As you can imagine I was mortified and he was “disappointed in me”. Not nearly as disappointed in me as I was. I really struggle with this some days. I know that it is will-power alone keeping me on the ‘straight and narrow’ but the will-power seems to be disappearing at the moment. The other thing is that ‘junk’ food goes down so much easier than anything else … bugger. Not the lesson I needed to learn.

Anyhow, that was Monday and I have managed to get back on track again. I have had an awful headache for the past 24 hours and generally feel under the weather. I am making myself walk though – even if I feel rough. I always seem to feel better by the time that I come back, except for today when I realised I had stepped in the biggest pile of dog poo. To cheer myself up I decided to try on some old clothes to see if anything would fit. I am as pleased as punch that I can get into my size 16 ‘Long and Lean’ jeans. 'Long and Lean' - sounds like bacon. For me they should be called 'Short and Fat' jeans, lol. To be fair they have an awful lot of Lycra in them. Gawd bless Lycra :) So I am wearing them as I type. Ok, I can barely breathe and I have a muffin top that wouldn’t look out of place in a bakery. But the tightness kind of feels reassuring; it is reminding me that I mustn’t eat whole Swiss Rolls.

I see the consultant tomorrow about my first fill. Fingers crossed it will be soon.

Onwards and downwards.

Fill Me Up

"Yes it was extreme, but it kept Blythe away from the bloody Jaffa Cakes"

7 Weeks and 2 Days Post-Op
Weight: 13 stone 4lbs
Weight loss: 2 stone 13lbs



Well I am only 1 pound off that 3 stone mark. Isn’t it funny the little arbitrary goals we set ourselves? Anyway, I’ve lost 2lbs this week which I am really pleased with given that I have had a couple of indiscretions. Nothing too major but I there is some definite rule bending going on, LOL. However, I am still walking which I think then allows me a little flexibility with the amount I am eating.

Yesterday I saw the dietician, not the week before as previously mentioned. She was very nice and talked me through the next stage… the first fill. She sent me some information which I am going to quote here as it really helped me understand the differences there seems to be with people’s fill regimes.

Blind Fills

Many centres ask people to come back to clinic for band adjustments from about 4-6 weeks after their operation then every few weeks, possibly up to 8 visits or more. At each visit, a small amount of fluid is injected into the band until a point is reached where the patient feels comfortable with the degree of restriction or there is over restriction and some fluid needs to be removed from the band to allow better eating quality.


X-ray Fills

The consultant radiologist is able to assess the position of the gastric band, the size and shape of the gastric pouch and oesophagus. Fluid is injected into the band to a safe level where restriction is visible on X-ray. The band adjustments achieved in 2 X-ray fills (at 3 and 6 months apart) correspond well with the total fills achieved using the blind fill method.


So that explains why people have such varied experiences. I was told yesterday that I will probably only need 2 fills in total and it is rare that people need 3 when it is done under X-ray. She said that the radiologist measures the width of the stoma (hole at the bottom of the pouch into the rest of the stomach) to within 3 millimetres. The first fill will give some restriction and should assist weight loss but during the next 3 months more of the internal fat around the stomach will have been lost. This means there is less fat to compress underneath the band (i.e. between the stomach wall and the band) and, at the second fill, the radiologist is apparently very skilled at filling the band as close to the stomach wall as possible. This means that the level of restriction will then be permanent as there’s no fat compressing beneath it.

I now understand why people have restriction for a few weeks with their blind fills, lose weight and then seem to lose restriction. In all of the posts and the books I have read nobody seemed to explain why that was. It all makes so much sense.

Clearly the information I have been given is biased towards the X-ray fill method but, to be truthful, I had no prior knowledge or understanding as to the differences. I just assumed I would still need 8 or so fills and that it would cost an arm and a leg. I didn’t choose this surgeon on account of his fill regime and I didn’t even bother to ask about how many fills I would need at the initial consultation. The dietician admitted that there is no evidence to say that one method is preferable to another; in Australia they use the blind fill method exclusively and don’t rate the X-ray method. So I think it is simply down to the individual surgeon’s experience and preference.

I just found all this very interesting and thought I would share it with you. I’m off now to have a walk as it looks like it might rain later.

Onwards and downwards.

Therapist Heal Thyself

I have been trying desperately to figure out what is happening in my crazy mind… It’s funny that for all these years that I have tried to diet that I have put so much energy into the actual eating plan and so little into the psychological aspect of my over-eating. I have had CBT on the NHS for my bingeing but, although it was at a specialist eating disorders clinic, I just wasn’t able to engage in the programme. I’ve been thinking about why this was and I have come to the conclusion that it was because they were trying to stop me from worrying about putting on weight. They were trying to actively stop me dieting but this just resulted in me piling on the pounds. All I could think about was getting discharged as quickly as possible. I was also only 24, had just started a new job and was taking annual leave to attend the appointments as I felt too stigmatized to tell my new boss why I needed the time off.

I am now 33 and I feel ready to tackle the psychological side of my eating. I am not having any therapy for it but I am using all the tools in my ‘toolkit’ as a therapist myself to try and get a handle on things. I am reading up an awful lot about binge eating, obesity, food addiction and the environment that we are surrounded with (media, fast food, changing eating habits, advertising, lifestyles, etc). This is helping a great deal as I am not in denial about my issues at the moment but, I think the fact that I am losing weight at the same time is helping enormously.

This year I have made a couple of major life changes too. I was aware that I filled my spare time with things that were emotionally and mentally draining. I had assisted in setting up and running a charity and had been using three quarters of my annual leave for the past 2 years on it. On top of that I was doing my Masters at university (a 200 mile round-trip every week). I have been quite selfish but I have resigned from the charity (it is perfectly able to function without me and that is how it should be). Although I was doing extremely well at university I decided that it wasn’t actually adding anything to my life except huge amounts of stress. It wouldn’t increase my salary. Yes, it was interesting but ultimately it was also a huge drain on me, in terms of money, time and mental energy. I work full time on top of this so it’s not as though I’ll be getting bored, lol.

So, without that little lot on my shoulders, I am in a much better position to actually help myself and not be such a martyr. I am putting me first for the first time in years. I am investing time in helping myself without all of these other distractions and boy, does it feel good.

So, all in all, I am making some positive steps to tackle my over-eating issues. One of the things that I am trying to do is to make walking one of my daily priorities. If nothing else is going right I am still going to walk. It may be dark, it may be bloody snowing, but I am going to make sure that I walk for at least an hour a day. It is my new coping strategy to replace over-eating. If I over-eat then I don’t feel like walking. If I walk I do feel less like bingeing even if I am genuinely hungrier.

I’ll post more about some of my strategies over this week. Suffice to say giving myself a strict talking to has been one of them :)

Onwards and downwards.

The Demons are Haunting Me

6 Weeks and 4 days post-op
Weight: 13 stone 6lbs
Weight loss: 2 stone 11lbs


Here’s the thing, I don’t blog when things are more difficult. I’m not sure why because I expect it would help me. What is going so wrong then? Well it’s that pesky demon on my shoulder that tells me to eat. There also seems to be a pattern to these feelings and that is that it is happening at the weekends. To compound all that I have absolutely no restriction anymore and know that my first fill is at least 6 weeks away (stop it Negative Nelly).

The majority of the time I am holding it together. I am now on ‘soft’ foods but in reality I am able to now eat more or less what I want. But the intrusive, bingeing thoughts have tormented me for a week. Last week I ate 2 boxes of oatcakes, a pack of cookies and 2 packs of Jaffa cakes. Not all at the same time but it was on top of my ‘allowed’ calories. The evenings are definitely the worse time. Again, I am hugely aware that this is because I am watching the telly – even if I am limiting how much I watch. My weight had gotten down to 13stone 4lbs but shot back up to 13 stone 8lbs on Sunday and is now back to 13 stone 6lbs today (Tuesday). Oh yes, I am also obsessively weighing myself again.

It is hard to accept that I will probably never be free of my food demons; I just need to work really hard at trying to live with them in a healthy manner. It’s just that other factors do seem to make the struggle all the more difficult. For example, I have been 100% more irritable since the start of this journey and I have to really bite my tongue to stop myself from exploding some days. Somebody mentioned at a support group that they felt more irritable since weight loss surgery and the consensus was that it was hormonal. This has bugged me as I really don’t agree. I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and have had raging hormones for a couple of years. I know that this is physically true because of all the blood tests I have had to have (bloody vampires). Since starting my pre-op diet I have had 2 normal periods (the first time this has happened in 3 years) and yesterday I got the blood test results back that conformed that my hormone levels were approaching the acceptable range. Can you see why I’m not sure it is the hormones causing the irritability? Basically if it was hormonal then my irritability would be worse BEFORE weight loss surgery, not after when the hormones are actually becoming normal. Therefore it must be something else. This is only my opinion, but, I think that the irritability is down to losing the emotional crutch / comfort blanket that over-eating provided. Over-eating is one of my coping strategies. Without it I am much more vulnerable to the stresses and worries that life throws at me. The thought patterns to go and eat after a difficult session with a patient is so automatic that I have to consciously stop myself. The build up of anxiety after a day at work used to be dissipated through my own personal TV picnic in the evening. I can’t do any of this now. Well I can, but it defeats the object of having surgery in the first place.

So what to do about it then? I have decided to set myself some goals. However, they are not weight loss goals. I have a wedding to go to in 2 months and a hen weekend in 6 weeks. I have become a bit of a recluse since January and none of my friends on the hen weekend know about the surgery. I have become almost phobic about weddings over the past couple of years and have avoided the last 2 weddings I was invited to which has caused no end of grief for me as the last one was for a really close friend. Basically I hate the dressing up, no, that’s not true, it’s the shopping that I hate. It always ends in tears. Then I spend the next few weeks mithering that I will be the fattest person there and all of the people who haven’t seen me for years will be gossiping about how I’ve let myself go. How bloody self-obsessed is that? My usual coping strategy is to drink as much as possible and then, when I am absolutely plonkered, I become convinced that I am the best dancer there. The shame of it. I watched a friend’s wedding video a couple of weeks after the event and blimey, my face looked like a smacked arse as she walked down the aisle. I can honestly say if it wasn’t for the bride in the dress, you’d have sworn I was at a funeral and then, just a few hours later, there’s horrific footage of me, ‘busting some moves’... busting out of my size 24 suit is more like it ;)

Anyway, for the first time in years I am really looking forward to both the hen do and the wedding. I have booked myself in to have my hair done the day before the wedding and I have booked annual leave the Friday and Monday after the hen weekend just so I’m not too knackered.

So my goals are these:

1. To exercise daily for the next 8 weeks. I am starting swimming again at the beginning of next month and will continue to walk in the evenings.
2. To eat a healthy and balanced diet with the occasional treat planned into it.
3. To buy a new pair of jeans for the hen weekend (and not punish myself by denying clothes until I am X weight).
4. To buy an outfit for the wedding and to actually enjoy the shopping experience.
5. To only weigh myself on a Saturday.

I have deliberately not set myself any target weights before the wedding – and don’t think that I haven’t been tempted because I have had to actively stop myself from thinking about it.

So there you are. I am going to be positive as this is clearly a danger time for me. Under normal circumstances I would be bingeing my head off right now but, for some reason that I cannot quite get my head round, I seem to be able to dust myself off and start again. Now that is a change for the better :)

Onwards and downwards.

My mental mind ...

Just a quickie really. I'm trying to keep the blog updated but I'm worried that I don't have all that much to say at the moment. I don't want to turn into a boring blogger now do I?

I just wanted to mention that my head demons are playing havoc at the moment. As I've said before, I have a particularly addictive personality and when I'm not feeding my food addiction, I seem to be feeding my newly reactivated diet one. I know when I'm having unhealthy thoughts about my weight because I start planning ahead with my weight loss. It's totally ridiculous really but I found myself sitting with my diary and working out how much I'll weigh in x number of weeks, months or a year. It's a bad habit that I was determined not to fall back into because it always ends in tears.

I'll end up setting myself silly weight loss targets and then if I don't meet them start to feel really depressed. For example, I'll weigh myself and will have only lost a pound. Instead of being happy that I've lost that pound, I'll be really fed up that I'm now "behind schedule". Utterly ridiculous. I had to give myself a stern talking to and tore out the yearly planner out of my diary. I refuse to get caught up with my mind games.

On a positive note I have received an appointment to see the dietitian this Friday. I'm looking foward to that except that I'll miss my walk. Oh well, must try and be a little less rigid in my exercise planning, lol.

Off to watch more doom and death on the telly - oh sorry, it's just an ITV drama. My mistake.

Onwards and downwards.

Walking This Bloody Weight Off

"My mates Flossie, Chomper, Wooley, Bleater and Steve"

5 Weeks and 2 Days
Weight: 13 stone 7lbs
Weight Lost: 2 stone 10lbs


Just a quick blog this morning. As you can see I have lost another 4lbs and whilst I am happy, actually ecstatic is more the word, I am acutely aware that this is actually not particularly good for my body. Why this dramatic weight loss? Well as I mentioned last time I am walking an awful lot. This week I have been for an increased 6.5 mile walk on 5 days (including today – haven’t actually been yet but will be, honest governor :) and I did a 45 minute walk in the pouring rain on Monday night.


Clearly walking is making the difference. I’m also finding that it is helping my crazy mind too. My new route takes me down a beautiful country lane. It’s about 2¼ miles each way and builds up to a big hill at the half way point. I go all the way down the lane, have a chat with the sheep in the field at the end of it, turn round and walk all the way back again. It then gives me the option of adding the smaller, ‘burby’ roads to increase the distance. But it’s amazing just what positive, thinking time it gives me. There are plenty of houses and farms / stables along the lane so I don’t feel scarily isolated, at the same time it means I don’t have to look like the freaky, walking woman like I did when I was doing numerous laps of the park.


The down side of all this walking is that it is making me hungry. Not straight away but a couple of hours later I feel genuinely hungry. I’ve been curious about how much energy the walking was using up and I have found some really good websites that have given me an idea. Working it out, and actually underestimating my weight slightly, it tells me that each of my long walks is using up around 680 calories.

http://walking.about.com/library/cal/uccalc1.htm


No wonder the weight is falling off! So I have revised my calorie intake up to 1400 -1500 from 1200 calories. I have a fear that if I lose it too quickly that my boobs will end up like long floppy spaniel ears and my tummy will look like a pub awning. I am starting my swimming at the start of April so hopefully that will firm up my upper body somewhat.


I still really have to watch my ‘danger’ times with regards to eating for the sake of eating, as opposed to eating for hunger. Sitting down in front of the telly is the main one. It is so automatic, it’s just like the moment the telly goes on a switch in my brain is pressed that sends my crazy mind the thought that I must eat. It is soooo hard to break this one. I’m trying not to eat ANYTHING at all in the lounge but I failed yesterday. It was Friday after all ;) One of the ways I’m trying to break the cycle is by just drinking, not booze though – lol, not sure that would be the best swap. The wife of one of my patients has given up smoking this week and boy did she smoke. She was on around 40 roll-ups a day and she has started knitting. I can’t knit but I used to do a lot of oil painting but I can’t really do that in front of the telly :) I’ll need to think of something though.


The final bit of news is that I had my hair done yesterday. I know it shouldn’t be such a big deal but it does signify a shift in my self-esteem. I’ve had around 5 inches off and it’s really choppy. Plus a head full of highlights, honey and a dark caramel colour. When Jack got back from work he was visibly aghast. He kept saying that I wasn’t me but my glamorous twin sister. Bless him. He even got the camera out and took some photos. He made my day.


Onwards and downwards.

Missing In Action...

4 weeks, 5 days post-op.

Weight (as of last Saturday): 13.11lbs
Total weight lost: 2 stone 6lbs


I think I should start with an apology. I am sorry for being so neglectful of the blog. The blog that has kept me sane when the days seemed long and lacking in foody comforts. Well I will endeavour to write a post everyday again. No excuses.


So where am I up to? Well, I am almost a week on sloppy food and it has been a bit of a tough one to adjust to if I am truthful. I think I quite liked the comfort blanket of the soup / smoothie regime. We have been ever so good and have sat in the dining room every evening for our dinner. Jack has been getting into the spirit of things and has hunted out the pretty tea-light holders. We put the fire on, choose some tunes and Jack lights all 10 candles. Bless him :) We both agree that it feels like we are going out to dinner every night. Except I cook and Jack washes the dishes.

I am eating the same as Jack for the evening meal except I blend mine, divide it in half and take the remaining half to work the next day for my lunch. It’s blummin great for our food bill. Poor old Jack is having much healthier food, except half the time he doesn’t realise it. Here’s a selection of what we have had for the evening meals this week:

Thursday: Chicken casserole done in the slow cooker all day, loads of veggies in it and a quarter of a roast butternut squash.

Friday: Roasted parsnip and squash, green beans, carrots and M&S ‘Just Cook’ Pork Medallions.

Saturday: Made a huge lean mince beef chilli added a ton of veggies and kidney beans. Roast butternut squash.

Sunday: Chilli again but with more roast carrots, parsnip and squash.

Monday: Made my own version of M&S pork thingy, lean loin chop, sauce made from brambly apple, shallots and low fat crème fraiche. A pile of veggies and roast squash.

Tuesday: Home made chicken and sweet potato curry. Loads of hidden veggies in it but I blend the sauce before I cook the chicken so that it has the same texture as a take-away curry.

I’m still sticking to 1200 calories a day but I had 1500 on Friday, Saturday and 1800 on Sunday as I had a total munch on for crunchy things. Ended up eating loads of oatcakes, Ryveta minis and crackers :( Things are much better again now but I really don’t know what was the matter with me.

I’m wondering whether it has something to do with the weekend being unstructured. I ended up only eating a yogurt all day Saturday and then oinked loads of crackers as well as my dinner on the evening. I have been very honest with Jack about it but by Sunday (especially with the crappy weather), I was going a bit nuts.

Anyway, in the grand scheme of things it is hardly criminal. The food choices have been very good but I do have the ability to binge on a cardboard box if that was all that was available. I think some of the binge thinking patterns are very much still there and will need lots of work. But, this is better than normal. I even threw those bloody cashew nuts away (I made sure I poured washing up liquid on them so that they were totally ruined) as they had been calling me from the cupboard.


On a more positive note though, I am still walking as much as I can. The weather scuppered me a little on Sunday, it wasn’t just a little wet, the rain was coming down in sheets. My GoGo-Robics just didn’t seem to motivate me. But I checked the mileage of my longer walking route as people were asking me how far I am walking. I just walk as far as I can in the time that I have got. It has been gradually building up to about 1 and a quarter hours but sometimes 1 and a half. I’d assumed that I was walking a couple of miles. You could have knocked me down with a feather when I ‘clocked’ it by car. Six miles! Count ‘em ….. 1…2…3…4…5…6. SIX!! No wonder I am sleeping well, lol. In a month I have gone from the only exercise I was having was walking to the kitchen and back, and being out of breath when I climbed the stairs, to walking 6 miles. The days I haven’t been able to go I have been like a bear with a sore arse. Pardon my French. It certainly is addictive. I know that the walking is making the difference with the weight loss. I have a new goal. My mate has entered me into the Race for Life and I would really like to be able to run the course. I know that I can walk it easily now so the next step would be to try and run. Better watch out for the black eyes! Fancy that though. Me running. If my PE teacher could see me now.

Onwards and downwards.