Temptation Lies in Wait For Me Everywhere

"Now the snow had melted, Blythe felt it prudent to remove her woolie sleeves"

11 Days Post-Op


Well I had my first full day back at work since the band. I did go back on Friday but left early because of the snow. It was funny because I was dreading being back at work in some ways, namely because of the amount of crapola food that is ALWAYS in the office. Firstly there is the biscuit fund. We all put money in the kitty monthly for tea / coffee / squash and with what’s left over, our manager always, always buys a tonne of biscuits. Secondly we are given a minimum of one box of chocolates every week by patients and families, plus we have a surplus of around 10 tins (I kid you not) of Roses, Celebrations and Quality Street hanging about from Christmas. Thirdly, one of my colleague’s husband works for my favourite sweet manufacturer, hence there are bags and bags of chocolate bars hanging around and finally there is the sandwich man. He turns up like clockwork every morning with a tray of freshly made baguettes. I have never worked anywhere where there has been this much temptation. But, shock of shocks, I managed it.


Now, I’m not saying I’ve taken on super-human willpower since the band but I think the key was that I was very well prepared. I made sure I drank my 2 litres of water (made as fruity tea in my big-girl’s pint mug :) throughout the day, I made my smoothie so that I could have 2 glasses of that in the morning and took 2 portions of soup, 1 at lunchtime, 1 mid afternoon. I also took my chewy fruity pastel multivitamins with me as I’m having 4 a day. If I concentrate hard enough I can make each one last 20 minutes, lol. God, I am sooooo sad.


I have even fitted in my walking. I work 8-4 so I was home by 4.45, I got changed and went for an hour’s power-walk. I had my stop watch going on my phone and just kept adding different streets to my route to get the right amount of time. So I am feeling like the cat’s meow tonight and very virtuous. It makes up for yesterday when I had 7, yes, 7 bowls of soup :( I just couldn’t stop. It was total boredom eating and worrying about work. I have to admit I have been feeling somewhat bereft at the moment without my great pal, Mr Crapola Food, to get me through the day. I am cooking even more than normal for Jack Spratt – just to smell it and touch it while it cooks. It’s a funny feeling, missing food. I’d responded to a forum post as someone else was feeling exactly the same. The only way I can describe it is, it’s like a best friend has moved away and not given me their new address. It’s like a security blanket and a protective shield has been taken away. I accept that is how it has to be and I would have the band 10 times over rather than continue in a spiral of self-destruction. I suppose it’s just going to take time to build up new ways of feeling ‘safe and secure’ and to find a new, mentally healthier ‘buffer’ to the big, bad world.


I was thinking of joining the gym opposite work. I’m a little reluctant simply because I have joined several gyms and ended up being tied into a year’s contract and going 2 dozen times (if that!!). But I am tempted. There is a swimming pool that is relatively quiet in the mornings. I used to swim at my local pool many years ago and I do find if it’s busy that I get terrible ‘lane rage’, especially when there’ll be 2 people virtually walking along nattering and you can’t get past. Grrrrr. I’d never say anything but, I find myself swimming along quietly seething. Not the best way to relax. I need better ‘lane karma’. I think I’m going to hold back and keep on my walking as it’s free and convenient and work on my go-go moves too.


I’m still taking everyday as it comes – it’s hard because my mood’s up and down more frequently than a whore’s drawers (sorry). But I’m becoming convinced that military level planning and organisation is the key to success – even with the band.


Onwards and downwards.